“Lady in-Between” is a short story about a single mother of four coping with the loss of her husband to suicide. The story reveals her internal struggles as she watches her children play, caught between grief and survival. This short story explores the depths of loss and the resilience required to move forward.

Short Story – Lady In-Between

How many times in my life have I felt completely overwhelmed by the tide of emotions and the ensuing silence of a depression that could incapacitate even the strongest of men? Some say it is the natural flow of life. “There is beauty in the ups and downs” —but I feel as if I am in the sea, desperately keeping myself afloat…

Only to be engulfed by the tide behind.

And how many times have I accidentally swallowed the water and only then realized how strongly, as a human, I want to live? My hands search for an arm to grasp onto in desperation. A twig that barely supports my weight. But how could anyone carry me, if I am too heavy for myself?

Sometimes, I distance myself, and it feels as if I am watching my own life from afar. As if I am not present. Well, physically, I may seem to be here, but in my mind, there is a war I cannot escape.

I am a heavy worker and a heavy smoker, a mother of four. And today is one of those days when I am locked inside of my mind. Pondering. What could and should have been.

This is my third cigarette of the morning as I watch the kids run around the lawn as if that is what life is about. Maybe it is, though. Maybe I have just forgotten over the years and become a lady in-between.

Two years ago today, I buried my hope for a better life along with the man I adored. He hung from a tree like a Christmas ornament, a beautiful green scarf cradling his neck like a snake. I think my heart was made of glass; I heard it drop onto the pavement of our front porch and shatter.

It still feels as if there is a gaping hole in my chest that longs for his presence.

But I cannot succumb to my pain. I have four little reminders of his eyes running around the house, four little echoes of his voice and manners—four little miracles. And for these four, I live as if I were the strongest of women, juggling three jobs, wine, cigarettes, coffee, and love for my children.